The Lady Of The Floppy Disk
by songelf88 and G.H.S. the warg
Summary: what if there had been a dark lady? What if it was a confusing floppy Disk Not a ring? Well read and find out.
1. The beginning of the Disk

Hi it's me your favorite authoress {Elves and men run screaming in terror} I have taken to writing humor but don't be scared I will continue with Elloenen. Now then disclaimers: I own nothing by Tolkien {GOD} Also no offence is intended towards Microsoft, Bill Gates or other computer companies. My computer wasn't cooperating with me and I am taking it out on them. (Oh by the way Libeatgl= Bill Gates scrambled. He He)  
  
It began with the formatting of the great confusing Floppy Disks. Three were given to the elves wisest, immortal, most confusing of all creatures, seven to the dwarves, great craftsman of 'some assembly required' toys, and nine, nine disks were gifted to the race of men who above all else are easily confused. But they all blinded for in the land of Microsoft the dark lady Libeatgl formatted in secret a master disk to confuse all others. One by one the smart lands of middle-earth fell to the confusion of the disk. But there were some who resisted. A last alliance of elves and (confused) men marched against the evil calculators of Microsoft. (Scene of people fighting talking calculators) The dark lady entered the field and confused half her enemies to death. It was in this moment that all sanity had faded that Isilidor; son of a slain king hit the big, shiny red button. Libeatgl uttered on final shriek (Which sounded like a dial-up connection) before shattering in shards of a CD. The disk passed to Isilidor who had this one chance to delete confusion forever. But the heads of men are easily confused. Isilidor kept the disk and it betrayed him to his death. (Scene of evil calculators killing Isilidor.) The disk was taken by the creature Golum who took it deep into the heart of the internet. Confusion spread across the lands of Middle-Earth, whispers of a nameless nonsense. The disk uploaded that it's time had come. It pulled a system failure on Golum and was picked up by a hobbit, Bilbo Baggins of the shire.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
(Fast forward 60 years. We see Gandalf driving a bright red Comaro to the shire.) "You're late. Did you V.C.R. start blinking 12:00 again?" "No it did not and a Wizard is never late Frodo Baggins. See my watch says 3:30." "You need to get it checked. It really is 4:15. You are so dead when we get to Uncle Bilbo." "Why is that?" "He has been touchy lately, I mean it's gotten to the point that I wonder what crawled up his @$$ and died. One false move and he blows up at you. And you being almost an hour late is not helping matters any." "Well what about the party has he canceled that yet?" "Mordor no! Half The shire's been invited and the other half is showing up anyway." Frodo laughed. "Of course, of course. It was nice seeing you Frodo." "And you old man. See ya at the party." "Old man? I may look like one but I got plenty of life in me still." Gandalf muttered as he drove to Bilbo's house. The sound of Willy Nelson blaring on the radio showed Gandalf just how old he and his friend were. Valor! He remembered when Willy Nelson was young! (No offence meant to Willy Nelson and or his fans.) He knocked on the door. "No thank you! I don't want any more salesman, well wishers or distant relations!" Came the voice of Bilbo from in side the house. "What about very old friends?" Gandalf asked. "Your almost an hour late so NO!" Gandalf stood stunned then finally shrugged and went to the in to see if there was any good ale around. 


	2. pointless inportant stuff

Hey People!!!!!! Sorry it took so long to up-date. I've been busy w/ school and all. Homework is EVIL!!!!!!! I swear that homework makes Sauron look like a cute innocent little bunny. Well enough of my mind less rantings. ON WITH THE STORY!!!  
  
The party was odd to say the least. Gandalf was the DJ (We see Gandalf in a punk outfit with a dew rag.), the hobbits were dancing to the beat of Emminem and Nelly (Please remember I can't spell.), and Bilbo wasn't there. 'Hmm. I wonder where the birthday bore. er I mean boy is.', Thought Gandalf. Little did Gandalf know the Frodo was thinking the same thing. He ran towards Bagend to try and find Bilbo. He bumped into Frodo along the way. They ran side by side. (I'm faster! No I'm faster!) Until they arrived at Bagend. "Ok now Frodo you must wait out here until I call you in." Gandalf stated. "But why? I don't wanna!" "Because songelf88 the almighty authoress said so." "Fine." Pouted Frodo.  
  
Inside the hobbit house(hole?) Gandalf found Bilbo getting ready to leave. "Oh no you don't! The Floppy Disk goes to Frodo." Gandalf said with an air of a father telling his son why he couldn't keep the snake he found in the garden. "Oh bugger! You're probably right. Here it is." Bilbo handed the disk to Gandalf and left. (The voice of the almighty authoress) You can come in now Frodo! "Ok Frodo, here's the run down. (deep breath) BilbohadtheonefloppydiskandnowheleftittoyousoyouhavetogotoMicrosoftanddestro yittakeSamwithyouandyoushouldcomeacrossMerryandPippinsothakethemtoo. (Pant. Deep Breath) GotobreeafriendofminewillbetherehewilltakeyoutoRivendell. (Inhale) MustgoseeSauromanthewhiteseeyouinRivendell." This of course was said very fast. (note how there are no spaces) Gandalf then ran out the door, leaveing behind a very confused little hobbit.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Like? Hate? Well review and tell me. Flames will be used to heat my bath water. See the review button? Click it! 


	3. More pointless important stuff

Well; I'm back. See I'm not entirely an idiot. I cane back. Oh my muse is grounded so if up dates are few and far between that is the reason. Thank you to my wonderful reviewers. I LOVE YOU!! Not that way in the platonic way. Well see you at the end of the chapter for important up dates on my life. Bye bye. p.s. all my comments are in []. Ok? Ok. Get it, got it. Good.  
"Yes Sam you do have to come." Stated Frodo tiredly. "But I don't want to. I don't even like computers." Sam said matter-of- factly. "I won't go." "Yes you will and that's final." "Fine" Sam pouted. They packed their duffle bags and started to walk. They covered a good distance of about ten feet before Sam started complaining of hunger. They stopped and ate a bag of m then continued on their way. Frodo plugged in his headphones to his walkman and began jamming it Led Zeppelin. (Battle of Evermore and Ramble on to be precise.) "Where do these guys get these odd words? I mean come on Ringwraiths, Gollum; who comes up with this stuff?" Frodo asked of thin air. "I know what Mordor is. That's south of Gondor right?" [The Almighty Authoress smacks her forehead with her hand. 'Idiots'] He started busting some moves. Very bad moves. [God he can't dance at all.] "Mr. Frodo please stop dancing. You are killing me." Sam asked desperately. Just then who should show up on motorized scooters than Marry and Pippin. "Hey what up Frodo?" Marry asked [Oh my God they talk funny too.] "Hey give me your scooter now man. I've been walkin all day." "Nope." Just at that moment the disk jockey wraiths drove up in black mustangs. Don't forget there are nine. DJW 1 "Hey you short dudes! You hobbits?" [I never said they were bright.] "Yep why? What do you want?" Pippin, can't lie to save his life. This is no exception. "Ok." The Disk Jockey Wraith 1 got out of his car and was seen in goth uniform; complete with black hoody. He chased them on foot to the Brandywine river; whatched them jump onto the small jet ski and ride the waves to the other side. "Drat the dark lady of Microsoft won't be happy with us. Drat" He snapped his non-existent fingers and ran back to his mustang.  
*Meanwhile on the jet ski* "Where the Mordor are you going Frodo?" Marry asked. "Sam and I must get to Bree." "I don't wanna go!" "Shut-up Sam" "This is the song that never ends it just goes on and on my friend. Some people." "Shut-up Pippin!" They all chorused.  
Like? Hate? I need reviews!! See the Purple-gray button at the bottom of your screen? Click it or I will send the wrath of the Disk Jockey Wraiths on you!  
  
Ok now for the poll. How should I portray Aragorn (Strider)? I am at a loss for Ideas. Should I A) Make him the strong hero everyone will love madly. B) Make him a complete ditz or C) a nice combo of the two? Review and make your voice heard!! 


	4. hummmm semiimportant stuff how odd

Hey thank you to Dark Omen who told me that Aragorn should be a ditz. There for I will the advice given and make him a ditz. Enjoy!!! Just I reminder my comments are in []. Oh I realized that I have not done a disclaimer for this story. [Insert normal disclaimer here.]  
When the large Jet ski landed on the other side of the river Pippin began singing 99 bottles of ale on the wall, Very Loud and Long. To spite the duck tape on his mouth all the people [Hobbits, and other] in Bree could hear him coming. "Pippin would you please shut-up! I swear that you should shot for singing that song with a gag! Look I will give you a cookie if you shut-up" Frodo begged of his cousin. Pippin shut up instantly and stared ahead to the suburb of Bree. They were greeted at the gate by an annoying man with a dew rag. "Yo wat ' chu all doin in Bree shorties." "we want to stay at the inn." Frodo answered. "Speak for your self. I don't want to go. I want to go back to my PS2 and blow up more orcs on that Fellowship of The Ring game." "Shut-up Sam you don't count." Replied a very annoyed Merry. "Alright little dudes. Here you go." The large toll bar thingie moved up and allowed the hobbits entrance to Bree. [Think toll booths people.]  
Sorry for the short chapter but my muse has left me for his girl friend. Stupid wargs. GHS: I heard that!! Ginny Heather Solves Problems is not stupid. And neather am I!! Sure your not. Review!! Tell me should I do this in script form or story form? Tell me in a review or and e-mail. Danke!! 


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